believe it or not, it has been hard to find the time to write in this thing. it's not that it takes a long time to write... it's just my mind is running in its own time zone, and it's not used to putting my personal thoughts on hold during work. so by the time i get home, my brain just doesn't want to take the time to sit down and organize my thoughts in a readable, writeable manner.
i mean, just read how sloppy my entries have been since i started working last week. case point. i just wasn't meant to work, that's all.
i was meant to play. all day. every day. and get paid for it. when somebody figures out how to do this, let me know. it worked while i was on unemployment, but the government is only so generous.
maybe it's because of the hit i took/brought upon myself at hockey on sunday, but there is something jingling around loose inside my brain right now, making me unable to write coherently. i swear, i am my own worse enemy at hockey. i can't stop very well anyway, plus my skates are very dull and well, it's fun to run into people... it was a pretty good collision with the wall and made a loud, exciting noise that you expect out of a pro-hockey game (certainly not out of a rec ladies' team!) but it lacked the meaning. I mean, not like i was really checked or anything - checking is not allowed - it just comes down to what I like to call "unrefined raw talent". this just means i might suck, but i give it all the effort i have! and sometimes this means i skate hard, fast... and then either run into somebody or fall over trying to stop. falling over makes me look sucky, but running into people makes me look tough and mean. Thus, I usually choose the latter at my own bodily expense.
"Is the answer Jesus?" anybody who knows that quote is automatically awesome in my book.
I submitted my pics for the contest - if you don't know what I am talking about, then it's not for you to know (yet). I got my animal planet audition tape all set and they changed the rules on me! now i need a partner, and need to redo the tape! which is ok, my sister and i would make one bad-ass team. linda's just as firey, aggressive, and stubborn as i am. grrr baby!
work is work. actually it's not much work. it's dull. i was not meant to be a secretary. i think i say that everyday. even when i try to convince myself that sitting and not moving all day is relaxing and fun, i still end up exhausted and mentally numb. today was better - got my first experience with the seeds, mixing and filling orders, blah blah. i should be more excited, considering this is what i thought i wanted to do - environmental restoration. except i either wanted to design it, or install it. not answer phones, send faxes, and write shipping labels. i guess it's good for me to learn how to be semi-domestic, but i'd prefer digging in the dirt any day. i actually got EXCITED at a job ad looking for tree trimmers. althought it gets tedious and monotonous, i love working with my hands and being outside and working up a sweat!! i was sad to get a notice in the mail from the forest service - i've gotten used to getting letters saying i was not qualified, or not referred to the hiring official, but this one (in Utah - awesome state!) said i was considered one of the most qualified but was not chosen. So close, yet so far! and it was actually a full time GS-6 position in forestry! the coveted full-time federal position slipped from my fingers again. i've done the fish and wildlife service, and the parks service... why not forest service? i'd like to add to my collection of govt. agency hats.
i can't believe i go to bed before 11. what a sad state i have become. i was meant to be outdoors and nocturnal. me as a secretary is like a wolf in a cage - it might work for a little while, but overall it's just a sad thing.
other last minute random thoughts:
i need to touch up my tattoo, and i want to get another one. i would also like to move out, which is higher priority than tattoos. looking at apts and houses, but i'm so afraid to get into a lease because what if funding comes up for grad school? do i move to montana? do i bother going? still one-track mind: zoo. zoo. zoo. gotta get that job. know i'm not gonna get it. probably going to move to brighton to split the difference btwn my current job, and any other possible jobs i might get. would love to move to the city - downtown - but not gonna happen. hate throwing $$ away on apts but who am i kidding, i'm never going to afford a house. i'm going to spend all my money on travel, outdoors gear, and books. need to buy clipless pedals for the bike, and figure out how to use them. also need to learn how to use my bike tool for repairs - what good is the tool on the trail if you have no clue what it does? also want to get a membership to planet rock. climbing is so fun... not quite the same indoors as it was in Colorado but it will have to do. gotta run. and run. and run. realized i should have actually hopped on that ferry to alaska from seattle; now i want new zealand, peru, and belize.
i promise i'm not decending into madness with my ramblings... i just have so much on my mind that it needed to get written down before i went to bed. goodnight, ya'll.
No comments:
Post a Comment