Bitter and jaded... yet so alluring!

The most unbelieveable thing happened to Heather and me tonite! Sometimes being a sarcastic bitch pays off in unexpected ways...!!

So goes the story:

I went out to Ann Arbor to hang out with Heather. We tried walking around town, but it was raining and we wound up all wet and sexy with nowhere to go. First stop, Goodnight Gracies. The music was loud and prevented conversation; instead, we went to Conor O'Neils.

We plopped our wet asses down in a corner of the pub, ordered a few drinks, wrung the water out of our shirts, and alternated between listening to the blues/country band and yapping to eachother - you know, about the typical things: pirates, hot guys, cowboy hats, and dirty men. All the while, we people-watched and knew we were in for trouble by the looks of a few prowling men.

Sleazy guy #1 sits down at a table next to us. Heather and I roll our eyes but can tell he's too much of a weenie to be much of an issue and he never approaches. We look like man-eaters! Grrr! I notice a frizzy, curly-haired blond older man hanging around the bar like a shark, staring at us and pacing around. We avoided eye contact and absorbed ourselves in conversation. Something about him seemed odd, though...

Halfway through my first Oberon, I notice another blonde, buzz-cut, 40-something yr old man strut our way. I crossed my fingers and hoped he was just passing by.

Suddenly, I had a stranger sitting next to me, beer in hand, greeting Heather and I with a cheerful British accent and an undeniable quirkiness that made us both pause and think. Do we send him away and dismiss him as another bar fly? Us ladies exchanged concerned glances, but our curiousity had the upper hand. Let's see what this man has to say!

Blondie exclaims that he is writing a novel on the differences between Brits and Americans, two countries with the same language but different customs. Being the skeptics we are, Heather and I drilled him with every question under the sun regarding this "book" and spared no sympathy. We sparred back and forth in a shower of sarcasm and irony, which only seemed to interest this stranger more. In fact, he exlaimed how much he liked talking to us because we were the only people that understood his sense of humor! Him and that British accent!

Needless to say, we didn't believe him but had fun giving him a hell of a time. He inched closer and closer to me, but Heather and I cautiously let him continue. I have never met such a dynamic and exciting stranger! He pointed out strangers in the crowd and asked "What's his story? What does he do? What do you think about him?"and also offered to hook Heather up with the lead singer of the blues band. Us girls were just on FIRE and no matter what we or he dished out, there was always some smart-ass reply that was quickly volleyed back (in good humor, of course).

He got up to talk to his friends (including the guy with long curly hair) and gave Heather and I a chance to contimplate the situation. The guy was certainly hilarious, quirky, and fascinating, despite his outlandish lies about this book and his recruitment of friends to help his failed lie. But we didn't send him away. I don't think we could have if we tried. ;) Which is not to say we trusted him, but we were having a great time being goofy at the bar and he was quite a character!

After a friend of his came over and botched up their "book writing" cover, we insisted they tell us straight up what they do.

"Would you believe I'm a drummer in a band?" asks blondie to us.

Yeah right, we both thought.

He claimed that he was in a band that played next door at the Ark, and that the jig was up - he wasn't a writer but he was actually a musician! "Do you know the band Squeeze?"

Yeah, I love Squeeze!

"Well that guy over there is Glenn Tilbrook, the lead singer, and I'm the drummer."

Heather and I let out a haughty, defiant laugh. Yeah right!

"Wait, so we can be your groupies?! HAHAHAHA!" In retrospect, we were a little harsh. ;)

I told him how much I love Squeeze and he was surprised because it was "before my time", and I admitted I even had a CD in my car right at that very moment. They were happily surprised; I couldn't tell if it was because he really was in Squeeze, or because I just so happen to listen to this band he was trying to pretend to be in. But apparently they think using the line "I'm the drummer for the band" is too "normal" so they instead tried to pretend they were writing a book. Blondie also pointed out that this clever book-story did keep him at the table with us instead of scaring us away, so there must be something redeeming about it!! Their next stop is in Iowa, and he named a few other cities they have been to. Heather and I made a mental note of EVERYTHING so we could confirm or deny it later via Google.

There was so much sass and attitude coming from Heather and I, but the more sarcastic and raw we got, the more he seemed to enjoy our company. He was smooth and charasmatic! We couldn't send him away! So we spent a couple hours with this stranger draped across my back, telling ridiculous lies and outrageous claims back and forth. He was so fun!

Somehow our skeptical sarcasm led way to him inviting some buddies over. It was an eclectic group - the long curly haired man, another man with brown curly hair, another 2 or 3 guys and 2 ladies; some with Brit accents, some without. The other people, to whom had not been part of our conversation previously, were definitely talking about travel, booking, and music stuff. Was it true?! Or are we just being gullible?! Our conspiracy theory was being whittled away; there's no way they could ALL get these "I'm in an old 80s band" facts and questions straight between half a dozen people!

After this silly flirting, we shut the bar down but were still laughing and having a great time. "Simon" was his name, and he wanted to know if we wanted to hit another bar, go back to the hotel and party, or something else. I still wasn't comfortable - if they were lying, then that's sketchy... but if they were telling the truth, then they'd probably be expected to hook up with them. Simon seemed to really like me but a creepy guy was trying for Heather, poor girl!

Taking the wiser, yet more boring, route, I "cut us off" and made the executive decision to leave. Blonde guy was sad to see us go and as I left, he took my hand and kissed it. We swore we would Google him to see if they were being honest.

I think the most impressive part is that, despite our skeptical and harshly rejecting comments, Simon maintained his good humor and ironic hilarity and our attitudes seemed to attract him even more!!

We left the party van behind and hopped in my car. "Let's just go out back and see if this RV that they claim they are driving is really there."

Driving... don't see an RV in the parking lot.... driving....  Wait, there it is!!

RV set up on the street, decked out and in good condition. Wait, did we really... hang out with SQUEEZE?!?!

Simon tried so hard to keep the party going; despite his charsima we held strong and left. But then of course I drove in circles trying to decide with Heather whether or not to go back to the bar and tell him we believe him or how to handl it. We were so excited!! "Let's go around the block again and see where they are at!!" We weren't positive but their story of being a "band" was seeming to check out... But if we went back, what would we do?? We decided it was still too sketchy.

We didn't get out and talk to him again, or wait for him at the RV. We went back and googled him.

His name is Simon Hanson. He is a drummer for the former band Squeeze (aka Glenn Tilbrook and the Fluffers - click on photos and see the one of the drummer - that's him!!). He has played with many others (Iggy Pop, Ozzy). It was true. It was all $#^%$# TRUE!! They were promoting their brand new album!!

HEATHER AND I HUNG OUT WITH SQUEEZE! SQUEEZE WANTED TO TAKE US HOME! I made fun of his shirt!

As soon as we saw their pictures we knew it was true and felt horrified but slightly proud of our aloofness and attitude we threw at them. I don't know how often they get young women making fun of them, since they ARE famous... but I don't think it would have been nearly as cool if we were just swooning over him. We don't swoon; we scowl!

Realizing it was really them, I decided to drive around with Heather and randomly scream in happy excitement! WE HUNG OUT WITH SQUEEZE!!!!!

We blew it and ruined our chance to hang out with them some more, but it was too sketchy to do much else. Oh well. But it was one helluva time!

The guy in the middle back is Simon and the guitar/singer is Glenn!

Here's Simon again

 (photo from www.babylonandon.com)