keep on truckin'

believe it or not, it has been hard to find the time to write in this thing. it's not that it takes a long time to write... it's just my mind is running in its own time zone, and it's not used to putting my personal thoughts on hold during work. so by the time i get home, my brain just doesn't want to take the time to sit down and organize my thoughts in a readable, writeable manner.

i mean, just read how sloppy my entries have been since i started working last week. case point. i just wasn't meant to work, that's all.

i was meant to play. all day. every day. and get paid for it. when somebody figures out how to do this, let me know. it worked while i was on unemployment, but the government is only so generous.

maybe it's because of the hit i took/brought upon myself at hockey on sunday, but there is something jingling around loose inside my brain right now, making me unable to write coherently. i swear, i am my own worse enemy at hockey. i can't stop very well anyway, plus my skates are very dull and well, it's fun to run into people... it was a pretty good collision with the wall and made a loud, exciting noise that you expect out of a pro-hockey game (certainly not out of a rec ladies' team!) but it lacked the meaning. I mean, not like i was really checked or anything - checking is not allowed - it just comes down to what I like to call "unrefined raw talent". this just means i might suck, but i give it all the effort i have! and sometimes this means i skate hard, fast... and then either run into somebody or fall over trying to stop. falling over makes me look sucky, but running into people makes me look tough and mean. Thus, I usually choose the latter at my own bodily expense.

"Is the answer Jesus?" anybody who knows that quote is automatically awesome in my book.

I submitted my pics for the contest - if you don't know what I am talking about, then it's not for you to know (yet). I got my animal planet audition tape all set and they changed the rules on me! now i need a partner, and need to redo the tape! which is ok, my sister and i would make one bad-ass team. linda's just as firey, aggressive, and stubborn as i am. grrr baby!

work is work. actually it's not much work. it's dull. i was not meant to be a secretary. i think i say that everyday. even when i try to convince myself that sitting and not moving all day is relaxing and fun, i still end up exhausted and mentally numb. today was better - got my first experience with the seeds, mixing and filling orders, blah blah. i should be more excited, considering this is what i thought i wanted to do - environmental restoration. except i either wanted to design it, or install it. not answer phones, send faxes, and write shipping labels. i guess it's good for me to learn how to be semi-domestic, but i'd prefer digging in the dirt any day. i actually got EXCITED at a job ad looking for tree trimmers. althought it gets tedious and monotonous, i love working with my hands and being outside and working up a sweat!! i was sad to get a notice in the mail from the forest service - i've gotten used to getting letters saying i was not qualified, or not referred to the hiring official, but this one (in Utah - awesome state!) said i was considered one of the most qualified but was not chosen. So close, yet so far! and it was actually a full time GS-6 position in forestry! the coveted full-time federal position slipped from my fingers again. i've done the fish and wildlife service, and the parks service... why not forest service? i'd like to add to my collection of govt. agency hats.

i can't believe i go to bed before 11. what a sad state i have become. i was meant to be outdoors and nocturnal. me as a secretary is like a wolf in a cage - it might work for a little while, but overall it's just a sad thing.

other last minute random thoughts:

i need to touch up my tattoo, and i want to get another one. i would also like to move out, which is higher priority than tattoos. looking at apts and houses, but i'm so afraid to get into a lease because what if funding comes up for grad school? do i move to montana? do i bother going? still one-track mind: zoo. zoo. zoo. gotta get that job. know i'm not gonna get it. probably going to move to brighton to split the difference btwn my current job, and any other possible jobs i might get. would love to move to the city - downtown - but not gonna happen. hate throwing $$ away on apts but who am i kidding, i'm never going to afford a house. i'm going to spend all my money on travel, outdoors gear, and books. need to buy clipless pedals for the bike, and figure out how to use them. also need to learn how to use my bike tool for repairs - what good is the tool on the trail if you have no clue what it does? also want to get a membership to planet rock. climbing is so fun... not quite the same indoors as it was in Colorado but it will have to do. gotta run. and run. and run. realized i should have actually hopped on that ferry to alaska from seattle; now i want new zealand, peru, and belize.

i promise i'm not decending into madness with my ramblings... i just have so much on my mind that it needed to get written down before i went to bed. goodnight, ya'll.

past my bedtime

darn.

i wanted to enter a good journal entry on here, but ever since i've started working, i've already been exhausted and just lacking enough time in the day to do everything i want to get done.

example: i taped my "king of the jungle" audition tape but have yet to transfer it and edit it onto a VHS tape instead of Hi-8. it's due the 29th. can anybody say "overnight shipping"??

i wanted to update on how the job is doing but well, the job takes up nearly every hour of daylight there is. literally. yikes, i really don't know what i got myself into, and what to do about it.

good: job is boring office stuff now, but if i suck it up for a while i am very sure that it may be the most monetarily and professionally rewarding job i could ever had. i'll explain later, but for some reason boss really has taken me under his wing and wants to teach me how to be the jiggy bomb of environmental restoration and consulting. so not only is it right up my alley degree-wise, but it could also pay big $$$. did i mention i now officially have an "hourly rate" that we charge people when i work on a project for them? i've never had my own hourly rate for clients (except when i'm doing my ho-thang of course)!! i feel like i've grown because of this. (ha! just being a smart ass again)

bad: i'm not cut out to be the secretary type. if you know anything about human evolution, i am wholeheartedly convinced that i am decended from the hunter type, as opposed to the farmer type. i honestly read something once that ADHD might actually be a naturally selected-for trait in early humans, because being restless, full of energy, yadda yadda (cant remember,  if i find it i'll link to it) is a result of the hunter-type having to constantly live a nomadic, active life; whereas farmers settled down. i know i'm explaining it poorly but i will make an effort to find it, if i ever get that animal planet tape done. ;)

UPDATE: here's the link for one of the ADHD evolution essays i've read. dont ask how scientifically based it is, because i dont know and i dont care. its just neat to think about. ;)

where was i? oh yeah, bad: i'm not a good secretary. i was not meant to sit down - ESPECIALLY indoors all day. and i'm mostly by myself; we work at boss' home, so he usually goes upstairs to his living room to make phone calls while i sit in the basement by myself. fortunately he has dogs i can play with, and i even got a radio, but still - lisa is social by nature. i mean, people are stupid and sometimes bother me greatly, but i love being around them. i'm sure somebody out there understands. ;)

it's also bad because it is nearly 120 miles round trip from work. over an hour drive each way. throw in a healthy dose of ann arbor stupid-drivers and my impatient, road-rage-prone Aries personality, and voila! instant exhausted, ticked off lisa blaring a certain ludacris song while trying to avoid the black cloud coming from a beat-up old toyota going 15 under the limit in the fast lane, strategically driving next to a person in the slow lane so you can never pass. and i get off work fairly late, so i dont even get home til nearly 6. i miss the days when i worked 2 miles from my house and was home by 4:10. it's wearing on me already, believe it or not. it is stressful to have such a commute, have to sit so long in the car, and then sit in front of the computer. i'm usually a stress-free person but this kind of couped up boredom is probably the hardest thing for me to cope with. i'd rather work 10 hr days outside in extreme weather hiking up and down mountains than sit in front of a computer for 4 hours... oh wait, that's what i did in colorado, and i loved it. 'nuff said.

so much for keeping this short. congrats to heather for filling her pockets with our money at this evening's poker night! hopefully i will see tara this weekend, and kevin, beth and i were going to go climbing until we realized that planet rock is closed for a competition this weekend. woops.

blab blab blab. time for bed. had lots of crazy dreams lately, but one recurring one has got me freaked out. recurring dreams for me do sometimes have a sort of clairvoiyant abilities it seems, it hasn't happened in so long but this time, i'm not so sure. three times in the past 2 weeks, i had dreams about marc that i dont actually remember what happens in them, but i do know that when i wake up i know something bad is goign to happen to him. not to him, as in physically, but someone close to him and it will hurt him emotionally. i mean, i have dreams when people die and stuff, but i never have dreams when i wake up genuinely sorrowful and worried and full of dread. it hasn't happened in a week, but the last time it happened i just woke up and knew something bad was on its way. ireally hope it's just my imagination running wild. marc's one of those people who does truly seem like he has some special kind of "luck" or someone/something watching over him (he's nearly died a few times - appendix, car crash i think - but crazy things happen and it all turns out ok), unlike anyone i've ever met. very intruiging. he also believes that if something happens, it was meant to be - fate, i guess. hope his luck isn't running out, and i hope if somethign does happen it has nothing to do with his son.

wonder what i'll dream tonite. more zombies and witch heads trying to possess me?

some pictures

for some reason they didn't upload yesterday, so i am trying again.

silly little vixen

Heather rocks!

I just spent many half-naked hours with her, and she did an unbelieveable job with the photo shoot!

Know what I just realized? I forgot to bring the shirt i bought in chicago! that's what i was going to post a pic of on here. oh well, guess i'll substitute with this asian dominatrix picture. Look out, I bite!

I'll fill ya'll in with why exactly we had a photo shoot in the near future. in the meantime, it's past my bedtime and i have my first day of work tomorrow. yip-de-freakin'-do-dah.

cheers.

on belay?

Does this employment drama never end??

I was supposed to start the new job tomorrow... however, bossman realizes that it would be silly for me to go to this convention tuesday, and i should instead go wednesday. Alas, i have one more day to try and do everything that i have procrastinated on all year. ;)  And of course, now that I am supposed to start working, I have an interview offer with canton twp as a park ranger (sounds fun but it's only part time) and the guy from Bridger Fire finally called back! I was starting to think they didn't want me anymore, since i was supposed to hear from them over a month ago. looks like i could still pack up and get out of this sprawling hell hole suburb if i wanted to, but can't convince myself that $10/hr with an uncertain work week is enough for me to comfortably live off of. my "potential advisor" wrote back and said no new news on funding, but a few proposals under review. why does everything in life take so long when you want it, but happens too fast when it's unwelcome?

yikes, having a hard time typing cuz steve and i went to planet rock for some climbing! despite climbing a little bit all summer, i lost any bit of strength/technique/talent that i may have gained on the rock in colorado. this little girl flew up a V5 overhang while i was trying to reach for a big chunky hold on a V0. I never said i was good, i just said that i have done it. doing something, and doing something well, are not to be confused. ;)

stever was nice enough to help me tape my video for "king of the jungle 2" casting call. it was a blast! i had a good time until the last segment, i just ran out of good ideas! it was so sunny and windy outside that it just wasn't turning out as well as i hoped, but we had a good time and that's what counts. tomorrow i am getting nekkid for heather! i guess i am rolling around in water?? she's also going to help me out with my "special shoot" that i need done. hee hee. i promise i'll post some pics on here and reveal my surprise.