happy easter!

Happy Easter kids! I might not be Catholic (I'm the Catholic "drop-out" of the family) but I can appreciate the value of any holiday that promotes eating chocolate rabbits and hiding colored eggs.

Back from Chicago already. I'm making this a bad habit of staying there for less than 24 hrs at a time. The trip was fun but disheartening for poor Steve. The whole purpose was to check out U of Illinois - Chicago, with whom he had spoken to earlier this week and got a not-so-hopeful response regarding his admissions there. But he needed to check it out anyway, and it was a good reason to visit Casey & Brynn. I had a feeling the trip would be sucky...

Starts out that we have a "disagreement" on what time we were actually going to leave. I thought leaving earlier would be better so we'd have more time there and get to the campus before everyone went home... We were both grumpy, he didn't print up a map to Casey's or the college... and on top of things, he thinks he saw his very first ghost that morning. He said it was a woman dressed in all white, like a dress. Great, Steve is getting visitors from the afterlife right before we are supposed to begin a trip through some of the worst-driving states in the US (Illinois drivers suck!). At least he didn't see Mothman. ;)

Usually we are great on car rides together - we are the kings of roadtripping and he is by far my favorite travel buddy. This is why we still hang out, though we aren't dating anymore. (ha! that's all you're good for, steve!) J'k but we really are road warriors. I'm the driving and he's the navigator; I have the best hi-speed midwest driving skills ("defensive driving" is a relative term) capable of dominating even the most congested hiway, and well he sucks at picking music but he's good with a map. Hee hee, j'k - I don't give him enough credit. Though I am the jiggy bomb, yo. ;) Anyway, the ride was boring and stressful. (Maybe it's because he was driving?? hee hee)

After many lane-closures, broken toilets, and scary drivers, we barely made it there before 5 - which we figured was the cutoff for us having a chance to catch up with the director. The campus didn't impress me very much. Steve liked it ok, but it was pretty much the same as Wayne State. We hung around and waited for the director dude to finish up a meeting and Steve just so happened to get lucky and catch him at the right time. After much yapping and gesturing (the guy sounded like #2 from Austin Powers - I couldn't see his body from the doorway, and all I could see was his arm moving around and his #2 voice, while Steve smiled and nodded. It made me giggle.) Steve emerged not-so-happy. There is a way he can get in if a certain professor says he should go there; otherwise, the entire gist of the conversation revolved around how great RUTGERS was (the other school he was accepted to) and why he should go there. Sounds like UIC's enviro planning program isn't even what was advertised; personally, I think Rutgers or Wayne State look better than this place, but he's still going to try and get in. Why not?

Speaking of why not, I finally completed my application to Colorado State. I had given up on their nonresponsiveness to my questions, and when they said I needed another letter of reference (one guy had said they would waive my need for a 3rd reference because I applied so late) I decided not to bother. But they just wrote me and asked if I was going to send in the third one, so I made a phone call and finished the deal. Let's see if anything comes of it. Even if I get "accepted" you still need to have someone who wants to take you on as a student (my friends got caught up in that step; I'm not hopeful) or else you'r pretty much screwed. Kindof like me and Montana State, excepted I have someone who wants to take me on but no money to fund the project she wants me to work on. Ech.

After UIC's disappointing blow, we bumbled our way through traffic to Brynn and Casey's. Steve was happy to see them - he hadn't see them in ages! That's what happens when you get a full time job - you suck. You can't go away on little trips very often anymore. This is why I avoid such an inconvenience as working. We hung out and had a good time and got fat on Peeps, Jelly Bellys, and anything else I could get a nice sugar buzz off of. (I am on a modified south beach diet with my mom to help her out, so i hadn't had sugar or bread or anything in 5 days - easter candy is the gateway to heaven, I tell ya!) Steve and I hung around Casey a little in high school but we didn't hang around Brynn much - it's amazing how much we all have in common religiously, politically,socially... Always good conversation with them!

Ran around the museum of Natural History and decided to get a terrible headache. I found out from my mom later that my sister, who is prone to migranes, also got a terrible migrane nearly the same time as I got my headache. Bizarre, no? I wouldn't consider myself psychically connected to her or anything, but maybe it was something in the weather?? She too was on a trip, but she was in Ohio with school. It got so bad and she still had a 3 hr drive and had to sit in the van by herself while everyone ate dinner. Poor thing. Nevertheless, enough drugs and mine went away, so I took the wheel.

I should have taken it as an omen when about 5 minutes into the drive I had this weird vision of an animal running in front of my car. The weird thing is that it was coming from the LEFT and not the right. I thought I was just being paranoid but I decided to be extra-dilligent in my deer lookout. Good thing too. I'm cruisin' along (at night) and I see something on the left, and.... it's a big dog! Coming from the left! It was a horrific thing to see - it looked ghostly white in the headlights, and it's big black eyes stared terrified at my headlights. I think I even held my breath for that one... I didn't even have to swerve because it stopped and stood in the left lane until I passed, but then I was even more scared because there were two very fast cars coming up behind me. I watched the rearview mirror with apprehension, expecting to see a car plow right into the big shaggy dog. I see headlights, a dog sprint across in front of the first car... more headlights... and at that point I thought I was going to see a dead dog roll onto the shoulder but it just BARELY made it. I was relieved, but my body was pumping adrenaline and once I started relaxing I realized just how scared I was for that poor dog. The chemical high wore off and my whole body was tingling and I hated it.

That doesn't happen very often and I hate the feeling. I think the last time my body did that was when I was miles into a little-used trail in Rocky Mountain on a survey during work, when I heard a noise and came across a man dressed in all dark clothes who took off running when I approached. I tried to see where he ran but he HID from me and I was all alone in the woods. I was frightened to think of why he ran andhid, and thought about how vulnerable I was in my little Park Service uniform with nobody around. Once I hightailed away from there (looking over my shoulder) my body came off that same chemical high and its such an uncomfortable feeling.

That was the most exciting thing to happen on the way home. Thank god. Ghosts and headaches and dogs... Too much bad karma!

(BTW, the pic is a naked mole rat.)

Irony, or sick joke?

Life just won't make things easy for me right now.

Which is funny, considering I am once again free to spend every hour as I wish. This time, though, I can't get paid for it - buh-bye unemployment checks. So I guess life is "easy" in the respect that I get to do whatever I want. But I want to work, and it's just not happening!

Example: I was excited to pass the test and interview for the zoo job. I originally applied in Jan, and their target hire date was March 1st. My interview was after that discarded original hire date, and I was told they would hire 4-6 people (out of 8 positions) some time in early April. I called and found out that, as of right now, they aren't hiring any positions at all!! I guess that's the way it goes when trying to work for a cash-strapped, struggling-to-revitalize city.

Irony, or sick joke? The jury's still out on that one.

Last week, I got another federal government envelope - now famous in this household - that I expected just another rejection form letter. The feds have it down to an art; they simple have a few different choices that they can check as they see fitting:

"you have been certified" (this is the "cert" that every fed-hopeful wants to get on, it means you were qualified and are one of the top candidates)

"you were qualified but not certified" (you were good, but not good enough so they didn't pass your name on to be considered)

"you were not qualified"

and it goes down from there, or says you didn't include certain things in your application

I get "qualified but not referred to officials" quite a bit. Which is what I was expecting from that offically stamped evelope last week. This time, though, it said I was certified, referred to the hiring official... but not chosen! And they only referred the top 3 people for the job... so somehow I blew a 33% chance of getting the job. At that point, they usually hire the highest ranked of the 3. But still, it was a glimmer of hope! It would have been a cool job too, in Utah at Canyonlands (near MOAB!).

But wait, there's more. Today I got another one of those fed envelopes, this one from Yellowstone. How wicked would it be to live out there for a season!? Opened the letter... Hmmm this is regarding a bio tech vegetation position... GS-5/6/7... It was a term position, which is the step between seasonal and full time. You get some benefits but it's just for a few years. What did they check?

..... Certifiedand referred to hiring official. !!!! Yeahhhh!!!! Oh wait, what's this say... "All positions are currently filled by returning employees, but in the event of an opening this cert will be used". Which means that, if there had been an opening, I would have had a really good chance of getting it. So all I gotta do is hope that someone gets fired, quits, or gets gouged by a bison so that I can get that job! Irony, or sick joke?

Sick joke.

Steve found out he was not accepted to U of M, so he is closer than ever to moving. Accepted to Rutgers but hoping to hear from Illinois - Chicago very soon. He may too be joining the migrating population of Northville kids to Chicagoland. Kirk is heading to NY, Heather is also looking to move to Chicago... Looks like I have to move too, because my friends are the only things that make these suburbs bearable!

A little cold and breezy for my tastes, but I went for a run on this sunny day. Sunny days here still don't compare to Colorado. It's usually pale blue here at best, but in Colorado the sky was vibrant blue even on a bad day. Now off to make copies of my apps to be a horticultural intern or summer cityslave with city of Ann Arbor. Being a meter reading with Novi is looking better and better, but so is hitting the road and getting lost in the Yukon.

The jock strap is ours!

The Blue Team won the women's hockey tournament! The cup is ours!

The victory comes after a hard-fought, fast paced gamed between Blue and White, who had been tied for first place this season. White scored the first two goals in the first period, but Blue rallied and responded with two goals of its own during the second and third periods. As the clock ran down, the teams frothed in anticipation of an overtime battle; however, the ice rink would not allow the extra ice time required to settle the battle in proper form. The Blue team won by default, thanks to their better overall record of 7-4-2.

.... Our trophy is a men's cup. Ya' know, like JOCKSTRAP protect-your-nuts CUP. A white cup, mounted gratiously upon a well-constructed wooden pedistle. There is even a photo album attached to it, so you can take pictures of the Cup's travels with the victors. One woman is already planning to take it on a cruise and drink out of it (which is quite a feat in itself, considering it has "ventilation holes"!!).

The whole family and Steve came to cheer us on. I thought I played my best game ever (which still isn't great) but of course mom had to shoot me down. Way to go, Mom! Grrrr. I actually had I think 2 shots on goal which is huge for me, and a very frustrating whiff or two (or more). My brother is all excited, and so he's planning summer training for me already. I think I will actually try to take some clinic - my stickhandling is more like manhandling and I do think a new smaller stick, with less curve and a smaller blade, would help. Not that I know, but I just feel it's what I need.

Instinct, yo.

Anyway, hope I get a pic of the cup to post on here so you can all see it's glory and prestige.

It was a good day. Got to see Jenna for the first time in a while; we made good plans to do lots of hiking this summer. Gotta plan a certain bachelorette party too. Sopranos was good but I think next week is looking better. My brackets fell apart after the 2nd round, but at least UConn went to the final four. Who cares about basketball anyways when the NHL PLAYOFFS start soon!!

Did I mention my car is broke? Good thing I don't have to drive all 120 miles to and from work everyday still; Focus probably wouldn't make it. It is potentially really expensive... I looked it up and it seems many Focus owners have had the same problem - I've had a creaking noise when I turn the wheel right for about 2 months, but Friday it got much worse and creaks all the time, even when I accelerate or brake and it makes the front end go up or down on the suspension. It also has a constant squeaking noise from the left wheel. It can be a few things: stabelizer bar (they replaced one when I only had 15,000 miles on my car because it was already wearing out! talk about ford quality!), CV joint, the bushing (whatever that is??) or the ball joint... I unfortunately think the squeaking is a strut gone bad, which will be sucky and expensive. I may be able to do the CV or ball joint with Steve but it's still not going to be pretty. Also gonna get a trans fluid change, and then do my own fuel filter/oil change. I can't wait until I have to replace the timing chain...

Bed time boys and girls. I had another freaky dream last night. It was about an older friend of mine, but he was probably around 20 in my dream. He had long hair in a pony tail with a bandana on, and he was with a bunch of his buddies. There were 3 hot chicks hanging off of them that they were obviously gonna hook up with. It was a motel or hotel or something, and I think they were all under the influence of something... remember it was night, and the motel had bright obnoxious-yellow lamps on the outside, the kind that automatically make everything look seedy. I was going to see my friend but realized he was with these people so I tried to leave before he saw me, but they noticed and started harassing me. He was a total jerk and acted like he hated me (we're actually pretty good friends), which hurt my feelings because I think we were dating or something in the dream. It was just a bad uncomfortable mean situation. So I went into the parking lot and they followed me, but there were a bunch of motorcycle guys there that liked me and scared my friend and his little posse. The girls had made me jealous by being with my friend, but then I realized I was way cooler than they were and that my friend was just a burnout loser. Keep in mind this whole dream took place in maybe the early 80s? Even though this friend of mine is really 10 years older, we were both around the same age. Weird time warp to envision. Funny thing is, is that I know I probably would have hated my friend if I knew him when he was 20. Kindof a stupid dream, if you ask me. I'll try to regain control of my dreams tonite and see what happens. ;)

 

dream of dying

gotta write parts of this dream down before i forget!

***can't remember everything, but i know that myself and a bunch of my friends were going to do something that involved going fast. i'm thinking it was like skydiving but there was a weird twist to it that hopefully will pop into my head later. i was watching everyone else get ready and i was very uneasy about the whole thing because i'd never done it before, and it seemed sketchy to me. i was putting on my sunglasses but then i realized i didn't know how you get your sunglasses to stay on. so i took a pair of chums (that cord that you attach to sunglasses to put them around your neck) and was trying to slip the ends over the earpieces on my glasses, but the chums were old and stretched out and ripped, so i got scared it wouldn't work. i just remember that if my sunglasses weren't secure and fell off, it would be very bad. then i realized that you wear goggles over the sunglasses instead of chums.

...something happened that i can't remember, fast forward. i was dying! i don't know if it was before or after the "skydiving", but i looked down and saw that i was bleeding, and it was getting worse. i have never had a dream where i look down and see my own blood forming a pool around me. scary. it wasn't just one injury, there was blood from different wounds and none were big. i wasn't quite panicked, i think i was shocked and worried. at first nobody thought it was serious, but then i started feeling weak and i was telling people "umm guys, we need to do something here, i'm not feeling to great". we were trying to rush to get me help but for some reason there was a hold up and it couldn't come. i wasn't the only injured one either, but i dont remember who else/why. i got weaker and weaker and i knew i was close to dying.

the only other part i remember is one married friend of mine telling me he wished he could have gotten to know me better if he had been able to.***

that's the parts i can remember. as soon as i woke up, i only remembered those bits and pieces. it wasn't a nightmare, but it was uncomfortable to say the least.

...On that note, poker night was fun again. Steve looked like Ebinezer with his big pile of chips in front of him. How fitting that he had not wanted to stay late but just couldn't bear himself to depart from his stash. Good for me, though, he got knocked out and I stayed alive to bag 3rd place and $10.20. Since I had a rebuy, I initially put in $6, I owed Steve $1... I guess I was up $3, but I think I'm now $23 overall. Hey, I thinking winning money 3 out of 4 games isn't half bad.

It's so gorgeous outside today. Time to go running. If I grew some balls, then I'd really like to try an adventure race this summer. Adv. race = a combination of outdoors sports that you compete with a partner or solo. Think orienteering, mt. biking, trail running, ropes, and canoe/kaying or something of the sort.

I can't believe I am going to say this, but there is a chance I might go back to the city of Novi for the 4th season. No, not as parks and rec but as WATER DEPT. I really like those water guys, they're mellow and nice. That, or maybe a golf course. I went to the howell nature center to see about volunteering and, to my dismay, you can't come in when YOU want, you have to come in when they want - on a schedule. i hate when place do that, they should be happy to be getting FREE LABOR but instead insist that you keep a schedule like you work there. grr. it looks like i can't do rehab because they only have "slots" for someone during the day. I may be able to feed owls Wed. evenings. They have a really nice setup for those animals there, the cages are far from eachother and built around existing trees.

It's sunny... I've gotta go running. It's a love hate relationship.

what now?

well, it's done.

after a long day of sitting totally by myself, dutifully tap-tap-tapping away on the keyboard, i told bossman that it wasn't working out for me. i guess he was very  happy with how i was doing, and impressed with my amazing typing skills, and sad to hear that i wasn't going to stick around and be his partner. i felt like such a schmuck - after being alone all day with only the cats to meow at, i was very happy to talk to him; he was happy to be home after being on the run all day. we were both in good mood but i had to go and ruin it. it made me almost reconsider quitting, because i really like the guy and think he is a great person providing a great service... i just know that it's not for me. i am either done at the end of the week, or in two weeks if nobody takes the job right away.

back to square one. what now?

bought a book on how to write magazine articles. in case ya'll haven't noticed, i enjoy writing. i almost thought about studying that in college. then again, i thought about studying engineering, architecture, landscape architecture, art, and music in college so i guess that doesn't really mean much. ;)  i don't think i'll ever have just ONE job for the rest of my life, unless it's a job that provides a variety of opportunities for me. i just get too bored too fast.

semi-related subject... so i had shown my cityworker friends some of the pictures i wanted to submit to the contest, and they of course wanted a copy for themselves. i was a bit hesitant but let them print up a spicy picture - not too revealing or anything, but still i have all this makeup on and cleavage everywhere - and i said DONT LET ANYONE FIND THIS! what happens? their boss finds it. the sexist boss that hates me (and i hate him). sometimes i want to punch tillman right in the MOUF. evil pigboss of course starts drilling tillman for answers and trying to see if i sent it over email. if i sent it over email then i'd get in trouble, see. but ah-ha! i did not do such a thing. rot in hell, pigboss.