"You better not blink...

...cuz you never know what's coming 'round the bend" - Incubus

Online journals are peculiar in that you only get tiny snapshots of a person's entire living experience at a time. Granted, my decision to accept, and then reject, that job offer all happened relatively quickly no matter how you look at it, but in an online journal the boundary between moving/not moving, good/bad, happy/sad is separated by a few mere pushes of the [enter] button. I know I painted a sour picture with some of my entries but actually I love life and I think it's fun and obnoxiously exciting when things like that happen, even if they don't go as I wanted.

Imagine my silly little grin after I read my horoscope in Real Detroit:

"Aries: You never know what will happen, do you? The last few weeks have been nuts. You're learning that it doesn't pay to make ironclad plans. Things turn out better if you just flow... It may be appropriate for you to cut your losses and bail out of a situation..."

I hate it when horoscopes are right. ;)

Let's talk entertainment: New Beastie Boys song on the radio is great! I'm so happy they finally came out with something, it's been too long. Movies: I'm gonna spend a lot of money soon. Van Helsing I need to see, because it's got Hugh Jackman (though I only think he's hot as the hairy Wolverine but killing vampires is pretty sexy too), Harry Potter of course because I jumped on the band wagon after reading all 5 books in 3 weeks (and yes, they really are as good as all those obsessed, obnoxious addicts claimed! I've been converted!), and of course TROY, with the always-hot Brad Pitt. I didn't realize he was 40! Wouldn't it be weird to have a dad that looked that great at that age? Here's an article about him on MSN. Movies and hot guys everywhere!

Plus, I finally posted my Shenandoah/Virginia trip pictures on Trekshare. Still no narrative to go with it but oh well. ;)

The photo today is of the Grand Tetons, which I took on my big road trip last October. Go there! It's awesome!

Not moving after all

I'm so ticked off - I had typed out this great entry but accidentally hit something and lost the entire thing! I was in the zone and now it's gone. I'll just hack away at the keys now and explain my new heartbreak

Yay, I'm moving back to Colorado, right?! Oh, if life could be so simple.

After my immediate euphoria of not only moving back to CO, but also of having a job (and not just ANY job - a fun job!), the generous and logical people of my little world quickly reminded - in some cases, scolded - me about the reality of my situation. I have to return to Michigan at least four times between June and July for these weddings, and to do so means muchos buck-o's $$$ in plane tickets, missed work, and, the most dreadful part of all, all those FLIGHTS! I absolutely hate flying. Not afraid, I just hate sitting, waiting, boredom, the 2 hour drive to the Denver airport, sitting, cramped seats, too cold, delays, luggage, security... The only thing I like about flying is the view. I'd love to get my pilots license because flying itself seems like a great time! But commercial flights are just so much stress - mentally, physically, monetarily. That doesn't even include the other obligations I am supposed to attend but can't afford to fly back for.

Even the job itself has a degree of uncomfortable situations - no privacy once again because I'd have a roommate, lots of hotel-hopping during our travels... And those more conservative than myself (coughcoughPARENTScough) love to mention there are no benefits (though I am quick to point out that many jobs I may take will not have benefits - such is the life of a seasonal bio tech!) and it ends in the fall - so I'll be right back where I started: unemployed, and living with my parents in suburbia.

None of this hit me when I said yes to the job, though. Actually, this all came about while I was on a nice hike, admiring the wildflowers and trees and getting revved up about being paid good money to hike all summer. Hiking clears my mind, though, so this euphoria was short-lived and my logic dropped a reality bomb on my fantasy. I guess I knew it all along that it was too good to be true, but I live for fun and excitement! Maybe it's the ADHD or maybe just too much coffee, but thingslike money, living expenses, housing... don't think too much about them until I've already thought about how great of an adventure it would be! Fortunately, when I say "Live life to it's fullest!",I have many friends that are kind enough to advise: "Life life if you can afford it!" Damn their reason and sound judgement!

I'm an Aries: aggressive, compulsive, rash. But a heck of a lot of fun, and I sure have great stories to tell! ;)

So with my sullen declaration of westward postponement (I'll come back for you, Colorado!) came much stress, sadness - and drinking of course. Thank you, Kirk and Heather (and Mr. Jack Daniels), for drowning my sorrows (and liver, and bladder) with me. (I'm heavy on parentheses today, huh? Why oh why did I have to lose the first entry I wrote about all this!)

I feel so stupid right now for taking the job and now having to call the guy back and tell him no. I also feel ridiculous because this is the third time I was supposedly moving this year. Each time, I announce my plans for my next great job in my new home, get congratulated, and then turn around and say "Heh heh, sorry guys... False alarm". I feel like such an @ss! The Novi boys roll their eyes at me and give me hell; I don't even want to tell them! First, I was supposed to move to Maine and work at a ski resort, but my affordable housing fell through and rentals there were sooooo expensive ($1000/mo for a room in a shared condo)! Then, I was going to move to Montana to be a wildland firefighter - but that was a case of not enough money, and no guaranteed hours. If there wasn't a fire or a fuel reduction project, we just didn't work; simple as that. That certainly isn't conducive to successful transplantation out of state! I guess I should have just said no to this new job right off the bat, but you can't imagine how happy I was!! I don't even want to tell anybody that I am not leaving, it is embarassing to fail, once again, at leaving this place and starting an actual life. This is truly a tough choice for me to make, but I have to follow my instincts.

Eecch, self pity, where did you come from? You aren't welcome here!

I try to stay optimistic and free spirited but honestly, it's wearing on my soul and self conscious. I probably won't admit that much in conversation because it's not in my nature to be sad or downtrodden, but it's there. I just keep it hidden so that I can write about it later in this journal. Don't like to admit defeat. It's the Aries in me once again.

In the meantime, I started posting my art at DeviantArt.com. Heather has me inspired to get another degree in Graphic Design. But that's another entry to be tackled some other time. ;)

No pretty pictures to add to this entry... too tired. At least if I'm sticking around, I'll still be able to write. I really don't know what I would do if I didn't have this outlet over the summer! My mind would explode!

Got a job (for real, this time!)

Yeahhhhhh!

I got a message yesterday from a guy with the Forest Service in Fort Collins, Colorado, straight up offering me a job! No interview or anything. I love the feds!

So I called back for details and.... I'm moving back to Colorado for the summer! Yippee!

The job is surveying for rare plants in forest service land around CO - from the Wyoming border, to west of Rocky Mt. NP, to Denver. It is myself and a female partner and we obviously travel a lot - stay in hotels or bunkhouses. I stay in firefighter bunkhouses when in Fort Collins, which is where I will be based. AND I got the pleasant surprise of remembering that the Forest Service pays more than the Park Service for the same pay grade... I will MAKE money this summer! Despite the fact I have to come back to MI at least 4 times between June and July.

So May 29th I will have a new home until Sept 3rd or Oct 1st, depending on what I chose, or until I start grad school.

HATCHER! YOU MORON!

What have I been saying all playoffs?!

Hatcher is a moron. And we get him for another 5 years. That was probably the next most brilliant thing since having two top-shelf goalies (Hasek and Cujo) injured and relying on our fantastic back-up goalie that, I would argue, gets much more "bang for their buck" so to speak. Seriously, there were so many "fatal" mistakes Hatcher made that lead, both directly and indirectly, to a Calgary goal, and yet they still gave him oodles of ice time to blunder his way down the ice. He is big, so when another player runs into him they generally are flattened... but he's actually not a very good fighter, is way too slow, and has left his man wide open to shove the puck in the net - as seen in tonite's defeat. Chris, Jeff and I actually started calling him the blob every time he went on the ice, because he just slowly oozed around and didn't do much. We laughed, we pointed fingers and joked... but then he loses it for the Wings. The laughing stopped there.

Overall though it was a good game but an EXCELLENT 3rd period. We screamed and jumped in our chair and probably kept the neighbors up, but it was a fun ride. Too bad next year the players will probably go on strike and there won't be hockey to watch at all. We've always got the Tigers...errrr, ok maybe the Lions.... ummm never mind. ;)

But the drive home, with that big full moon casting those fantastic blue shadows that I love, calmed me down a little bit. Here's what I think about the Wings:

- Hull, time to retire. You were good, now you're not. Get over it. Old and slow.

- Hatcher, I don't even want to talk about it.

- Shanahan, you can go away now too. You get lots of penalties and pick fights that you always LOSE. You're a liability. I used to love you but sometimes love just goes away. As you should. Plus you screwed the whole team over by shaving your playoff beard. What were you thinking?!

- Need more young guys, and need others to step up and play leader. Yzerman was gone, but somebody needs to take charge. I hope that Zetterberg or Datsuyk (sp?) can gain that confidence because they are uber-talented.

- Still lovin' McCarty, Lidstrom, Holmstrom, Draper, and Maltby!

- Impressed with Dandenault, Schneider, and Lang

Ok now that I'm done ranting, I think I've tired myself out enough to go to sleep. Maybe it was all a bad dream... (**pinch**) Ouch! Grrrr...

Wildfires already

Looks like wildfire season has started already. Although I ended up declining my chance to be a firefighter with Bridger in Montana, I do still hope I'll get my chance to at least try it. After that crushing blow to my already-injured employment-ego by not being offered the Forest Service job in Boulder, I have to wonder: What am I doing wrong?!

I hopped back onto the Colorado State website and started writing a few professors. I wasn't really interested in going there any more after I thought I was in at Montana State, but I haven't heard much from that school either. Might as well see what happens, I already paid the application fee so it doesn't hurt to try. I also wrote Montana State anyway, just to check in with the professor who said might take me on. Still waiting for her proposals to be accepted, and then decide if she wants me anymore...

I still haven't written my Virginia story or posted the pictures. I've been quite busy today - applied to 3 jobs, surfed many more websites for jobs, and took the plunge and subscribed to the Writers Market. It's the clearinghouse of writing markets. I have some ideas floating in my head so maybe investing a little money will get these fingers typing something else besides my silly flights of fancy in this journal!

Fire... mountains... the Rockies are like a drug. There was a cold bitter breeze yesterday that reminded me of the fall when I was in Estes Park, the last day I was there actually. There was a blizzard on top of Longs Peak, and the sky was tumultuous and black while the cold wind blew the scent of snow down from the mountains. Then I packed up my life into a little green car and drove, and drove, and drove. Want to hear more? Go to my travelogue and click on Western Road Trip. Moral of the story: I want to go back.

The forest service lady was nice enough to give me some leads in Fort Collins. Don't know if I'll follow through though, because it really would be a very expensive summer - Brynn & Casey's wedding, Tara's Wedding, plus all those parties I have to throw for her (I'm maid of honor)... that's a lot of plane tickets from Denver. And there is no way I would bail on Tara, she's an awesome friend and we are gonna make her the happiest bride ever!

So if anyone has any scandalous ideas for a bachelorette party in the Metro Detroit area, let me know!

What else is in the works for little me? Making some $$ next week house/dog sitting, which should be fun. Hope to start actually writing something, but I've said that for months now. I might build a little website with some of my art & photos on it for fun. I have a MODELING photo shoot this week. Nothing special but the guy wants to take me on as a photography intern also - which is bizarre because I haven't don't art in years, but very cool that I may still get to pursue a creative endeavor. In two weeks, I am going back to Virginia to help with that horseshoe crab survey I mentioned before. Paid vacation! I get to stay in a beach house and everything! Here it is:

And it's on the ocean, of course:
Map of Chincoteague, VA