Am I sad, or am I mad?

Ok, I wrote this big venting journal earlier but I've calmed down now so I cut it down a bit. :)

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Yeah, I'm not doing so well today. Not only has somebody very close and dear emotionally hurt me, but I had written an introspective entry that just got deleted when I tried to save it. Not doing well at all.

I can't seem to decide if I am depressed, fuming angry, numb, or just plain washed my hands of this whole situation. Rather than lie around in bed on this rainy day, alternating between crying, cussing, and sleeping, I thought it would do me better to sit in this lively coffee shop in Boulder, hoping that the social atmosphere would raise my mood a little bit. Instead, I'm even more aggrivated because the internet connection crashed and I lost my journal entry. Grrrrr. Plus, I am sad because I don't have anybody out here to talk to and comfort me, so I'm missing my friends and family even more.

I am fed up with dishonesty. And I don't just mean plain-out lies - I mean half truths that don't tell the whole story. I think those are the most dangerous - they're so hard to identify because nothing false is being said, but the story it tells can be so different from reality. It's not even just myself that has suffered because of these incomplete truths; I'm just fortunate enough to now know I was being mislead. Why can't he just tell the truth?! How can somebody mislead those that love them, when in the end it will only cause pain??

If you cause somebody pain, be responsible and deal with the consequences of your actions! Deal with it, tell the truth, and right your wrongs! People who love you deserve to know what's REALLY going on so that they can make an INFORMED decision whether to forgive you for treating them poorly, or tell you to go to hell. Don't the people who love you and who you love at least deserve that?? It's not fair to play with people's emotions when they love you. It's just not right.

Mad, sad... Sunday was fantastic, full of fun and romance. Monday, everything changed. The pace of change is just nauseating and I still don't have my bearings on how Ireally feel. I guess that makes me lost...

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But, life goes on. I woke up early (couldn't sleep, go figure) and finally got mylicense. I'm officially a Colorado resident! I was very excited, but I'm so sad and depressed right now, I'm just plain homesick. I miss my family and friends, I miss the three terror dogs at my mom's house and I'm bummed I can't watch Tara's puppy and Wilson frolick in the garden hose. I feel so alone and rejected right now, I trusted him completely. How can you trust anybody, when the one that loves you does that??

I am listening to the Killers and it is making me feel a little better. It reminds me of Michigan - dancing at 5th Avenue with Jess, and of Linda helping me move that last chaotic week in Royal Oak. Plus, it's her CD so I should probably mail that to her soon. :) It just makes me feel a little bit warm and happy. And now I am chatting with Jeff online! Good to talk to him!

I feel better now, and I just might have a place to live in Lyons! Woo hoo! Gotta go check it out now!

Thanks guys for cheering me up!!

The Flying of the Beetles

My drink of the moment in this coffee shop is an iced vanilla chai - and boy, let me tell you it feels good to be out of the dreadful heat. Down in Denver they were supposed to have record temps in the 100s - not quite that hot up here in the mountains, but it was still pretty rotten. Plus, a few of us had to head down to Loveland, where it is much hotter... in a truck without AC. :)

I officially got the Grade A Stamp of Approval on my physical for wildland firefighting.  This gives me the ok to now take the "Pack Test" - 3 miles in 45 minutes (I think it's 46 something at this elevation) with 45 pounds on your back. It might not sound that bad, but it's not easy and usually a couple people die each year of a heart attack while taking it. Once I pass that on the 22nd, I will have a current Red Card (wildland firefighting certificate) and be able to help with prescribed burns and wildfires. Looks like I will have plenty of chances, too - this summer is proving to be very hot, very dry, and with all the pine beetle kill, it's just a matter of "when", not "if", we get a big one. In fact, almost every time we get a lightening storm, we get some sort of small wildfire. That might seem weird to you folks in SE Michigan, but it's just a part of life out here.

Work for me has changed from Mountain Pine Beetle mode to Hazard Tree mode. We had a few residual beetle trees left in a campground that we were supposed to drop this week, but by the time we got to them - bye bye beetles! We were just a little too late, and the beetles have left the trees and flown to their next target. Oh well. It's not a huge deal, since it is a natural part of the cycle... but then again, who wants to stay in a campground without trees? We'll see what happens next season.

Hazard tree means walking every public front-country area and assessing ALL trees that have potential hazards. Needless to say, I spend most of my day hugging trees (to get the diameter), walking, and doing paperwork. Yes, we have to document all these trees, rank them for priority, and decide what to do about them. Unfortunately, there are a lot to remove because of their high potential to fail and, say, land on a sleeping camper in his tent or something. Not so good. I officially took down the first hazard tree of theseason, a windblown lodgepole that was stuck in another tree, right over a trailhead. Not the most technical or exciting removal, but tomorrow morning I have 3 trees to fell - two Engleman spruce and one lodgepole. Cisco won't be in so it's all me, baby!

My endeavor to get my Colorado license last week was futile and aggrivating. Joe and I went to the license place and the guy was a condensending arsch to me, saying I needed my medical card for my CDL. Somebody else told me I didn't. So I waited the 3 hours (had to wait anyway, I was Joe's ride!) and went up there and thought I was going to get my license when the woman says, "Oh wait! I almost forgot! Do you have your DOT card?" DOH! I am going to try again at a smaller office in Hot Sulfer Springs on Friday. Grrrrr....

And how is my hunt for housing going? Well as of yesterday I thought I had some good prospects lined up in either Boulder or Nederland but apparently that's changed and I'm not happy about it. Totally back to square one. I'm in a pretty nasty mood about it right now, so don't ask. I am pretty sick of hearing my neighbor's television at 10 pm though so I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on until I find a place.

This past weekend, Joe and I went to that Tree Climbing Competition in Fort Collins and I got to meet a bunch of his coworkers. Great bunch of people and three chihuahuas to play with! We layed around in the grass and watched the climbers swing around, doing various tasks - aerial rescue, where they have to retrieve a dummy out of a tree; work climb, where they have different points in a tree they need to get to and ring a bell; and throw line competition, where they have to throw their throw line into different crotches of the tree. There were only two women there competing; one was one of Joe's coworkers (she didn't finish in time) and one was a smokejumper. I've never watched women climb so it was neat to watch. Can't wait to get my gear so I can work on becoming as fluid and confident in a tree as they were!

We also went for a hike on another horribly hot day at Roxborough State Park, south west of Denver. Oh wait, Trail Log Time!

Trail Log: Fountain Valley Loop, 2.2 miles (yeah, pretty weak huh). It was an easy hike through rattlesnake country (I'm sure my Dad is happy to hear that... "Look out for snakes!" he used to tell me every time he talked to me), very interesting rock formations... surrounded by subdivisions. Weird. It was a neat place to visit though, despite the houses in the background. Never did see or hear a snake, though we wanted to!

Well gotta wrap this up for now, I have the rest of Harry Potter III to watch and/or maybe go out with the coworkers for a brew. And, back to home hunting. Miss you guys!

 

Roxborough State Park, taken with my camera phone!

Where to live, where to live?!

Ok it's getting to be crunch time with home hunting! But I'm feeling optimistic. Lately things have been going very well and hopefully I'm on a roll!

Busy weekend too. Tree climbing competition was fun! Did some hiking south of Denver also. Gotta run off and look at some places to live though, so I'll update better soon!

Oh, and getting my tree climbing gear soon! Woo hoo! A huge thank you to the person who made it possible!

Lost and Found

JABENA! Thanks for leaving a comment! I am so very sorry I haven't talked to you since I left. That Scott guy... I've heard his name but I'm not really sure why. He might be a celebrity, but I'm really not in the loop with most celebrities anyway so I would have no idea! :)

With that important, overdue comment out of the way (Miss you Jabena, Tara and Mom!), on to the latest and greatest in Mountain-Woman Lisa's life.

No, no luck with housing. I'm considering sharing a house now; much more affordable, and will let me have a pupper. I really REALLY don't want to share, but I'm not home much anyway and there are some unique living opportunities out here - lots of huge mountain homes that people can't afford without a housemate, often with private bed, bath, and sometimes living space - but we'll see. I am in the process of applying for a Ranger/Naturalist job with the City of Boulder. The pay would be fantastic, and somehow along the meandering, random career path I've stumbled along, I've aquired many of the qualifications that they want. I always knew there was some logic behind my ADHD ways! ;)

As Jabena had said, they did in fact find that guy that was lost last week. Around noon a helicopter saw him but couldn't land, so they dropped a radio and supplies down to him until ground support could reach him. It's great being able to listen to the radio between the rangers and dispatch; some interesting, funny, or scary things happen every day. Today, there was a Jeep - no, somebody heard it was a van - carrying some guy that needed an ambulance - no, somebody heard they didn't want assistance - because a guy was hurt... somebody asked if they needed help and they said "WE GOTTA GO!" Was his leg broken? Or was this somebody else? You'll get visitors telling volunteers second hand information, who pass it on to ROMO (dispatch); in turn, ROMO tells the rangers, then the rangers have to try and relay back to the reporting party...

Another transmission I overheard were some people were "lost" on Flattop Mountain but used their cell phone to call the Park and try to get directions down. They called back after getting directions and said they couldn't go "up OR down". Huh. They got up there some how, right??

In other words, the radio can be very busy sometimes.

I was excited to see a report of a wolf sighting in the park. Chances are, it is only a very large coyote... they are huge out here, and most people just see WOLF. BUT... between you and I, a little reliable bird told me she saw three, and she used to live in Alaska. Methinks the wolves have come home...

No new hikes to add to my trail log; instead, I took Joe on his first driving tour west of Evergreen. I showed him Vail and how touristy and pretentious and obnoxious it is, then went down to Frisco where it was a little quieter. It was a nice way to escape the horrible heat down in Denver, and I am sooo glad I live up in the mountains! The weather is more unpredictable and it is colder, but it's worth it. My little Toyota is considently getting 22-23 mpg, and I'm happy with that. Still have to sell the Focus though!

I also got a chance to climb my first tree since... well, it's been a while. Joe let me borrow some of his gear and we went out to the hills near Evergreen and found a nice tall Ponderosa Pine on top of a little mountain to climb. We didn't go very high up, but we didn't need to since we were above everything anyway. It felt good to get up there again! Hopefully I will have some climbing gear on the way soon. I think him and I are going to Fort Collins this weekend for the ISA Tree Climbing Competition. That will be me some day! Yeah, right!!

My family is coming out to visit in just a few weeks! Yikes, I have to get their itinerary together! Flyfishing, camping, golf and whatever I can find for my Mom to do - poor thing pulled her calf and can't walk! Mom, you be careful! You can rent these little scooters and drive around town! Yeah, I know she's probably not digging that idea too much either, ha ha!

The elk have finally gone from looking starved, ragged, and pathetic to sleek and lean, like a horse. Some of the bulls have already developed impressive racks, and the muley deer are a little behind the elk in growing out their racks. Must be summer!

That's all for now. The photos this week are from the hike to Emerald Lake with Joe a couple weekends ago. Miss ya'll!

SAR

SAR stands for "Search and Rescue", which is sadly a very real event that I mostly likely will participate in during my career with the Park. Unfortunately, I was too busy at work this week and missed the formal training; I would really like to have attended so I would be more effective and knowledgeable of SAR procedures, come time for me to find somebody - it could be a matter of life or death, and I want to know what I'm doing! As touristy as the Park can get, it's easy to forget sometimes that this truly is a rugged, unforgiving and sometimes dangerous place - and people to do get lost, hurt, or worse.

Yesterday, I was supposed to meet my friend Mark on the west side for trivia night and to watch Ghost Hunters, but he got called out on a SAR to look for a man who had been missing since Sunday - his van had been parked at the Colorado River Trailhead on the west side for a number of days and he missed his flight home. It doesn't take training for what they need to do right now - hike, hike, and hike until they find this guy. Needless to say, at this point it doesn't look good. They were out until after 9 pm last night, and they headed out again early this morning. As of right now, he hasn't texted to say that they have found him. I guess when the ranger Jeff Christiansen had gone missing, the Park essentially shut down for 2 weeks and every able individual hiked all day, every day, trying to find him. Tragic but very real. A sheep researcher had fallen off a cliff  in 2003 when I worked here before, right after I met him. Good luck to the SAR teams. I might try to get involved with SAR when I am more settled; there are many great organizations around here.

I am going to head down to Fort Collins today and try to get my Colorado license! And by the way, car insurance is less than HALF what I was paying in Michigan! Which is important because as of right now, I am insuring two cars and a motorcycle. :) No luck in finding the right place to live, though. I had stopped to look at a cute little cabin outside of Lyons, and it seemed promising... except it was wayyyyy to close to the other houses around it, all which were owned by the landlord (an old lady) and her adult kids... and she started telling me how much she cries every day since her husband and son recently passed away. Very nice lady, but not quiet private enough. She did say she thought I was the answer to her prayers because she was worried about who to have rent the cabin. Hear that mom, somebody said I was the answer to their prayers! That lady just doesn't know any better. :)

Me overlooking Estes Park with Longs Peak and the Rocky Mountains in the background. (Taken by Joe)