Bearing the weight of not bearing weight

On this ridiculously hot day, I couldn't do the things I wanted to, and did the only things I could do. The fact that I can't run, or can't hike, is like being on a diet... I can't have it, so I want it MORE! Except, running and hiking is GOOD for you, and I still can't do them! And no swimming, thanks to Logan's self-conducted removal of his stitches and the subsequent giant gaping hole in his side. With my physical limitations and the emotional crabbiness of a child who can't have her favorite candy, all I wanted to do was lie on the couch, lethargic from the heat, and watch TV and movies. Animal Hoarders. Daily Show. Alice in Wonderland (Johnny Depp) movie. Fortunately, for once Logan and I were on the same page about being lazy, and he didn't even beg me to throw his football.

We laid there, panting, licking (figuratively for me; literally for Logan) our wounds and carbo-loading on comfort foods. I had been eating healthy - more fruits, veggies, protein, and less grains/carbs - and although it wasn't exactly "low" carb, it was less than my body is used to. I binged and ate 3 pieces of garlic chicken pizza for lunch, bacon for a snack (yeah, weird snack), and an entire box (2.4 servings of glorious carbs and cheese) of Annie's white cheddar shells.

Am I going to be one of those people that come back from an injury, determined to do something dramatic, like run a marathon?? Today, the idea appealed to me. But I also binged on mac and cheese, so maybe it was just one of those "I've been deprived and now I'm gonna make up for it in a HUGE way" days. Realistically, I'm pretty sure my ADHD would ensure I would get bored and start chasing butterflies an hour into a marathon; maybe watching clouds or daydreaming... which would probably result in another broken ankle from not paying attention and running into a parked car or something. ;)

My first summer in the Sierras, and all I can do is watch from the sidelines. Trails to run, mountains to hike... I was in pretty good shape too, going into this summer. It will be so hard to stay motivated and not routinely drown my sorrows in Annie's mac and cheese...

Achilles?? How about, how to heal an entire FOOT!?

MRI results are in! Drum roll please.... The results were unexpected and I'm not sure how to react... But I have a fractured talus bone, and inflammation and fluid around the "flexor hallucis longus" tendon. And yet, there really wasn't much but a little inflammation on my achilles. ?!?! What does this MEAN?! I don't know. The fracture isn't an "old" injury and is still not healed, so probably within the past few months. I don't feel pain in my foot as I would guess a fracture would feel?? In fact, the only pain I feel is direct, pinpoint pain on either side of my achilles, close to the surface and not deep where this flexor tendon would be. I do know that the ultrasound and "massage" (torture) has left me quite sore, and every morning I can barely put weight because my achilles hurts so bad... This probably/hopefully explains why I'm still in pain after 6 weeks of not running or hiking, and barely walking. But was it broken before my achilles hurt? Or did this happen later? Although they have answered the "chicken or egg first" question, I don't currently have the answer to this riddle!

I am glad I pushed hard to get the MRI done. They don't always want to authorize such an expensive test, and it took some convincing... Now, I have a concrete diagnosis and have been authorized to see a foot specialist. Will I need a cast? How long will rehabilitation take NOW? When on earth can I get back to firefighting?!  I have a million questions on my mind, but just need to chill out and relax. It is what it is and stressing over it won't help me heal any quicker. I'm impatient by nature and this ordeal has certainly taken an emotional toll, not to mention the physical effects. But, I'm trying to keep my spirits high and take it day by day. A glass of wine or two never hurt either. ;)   Tonight though, Moose Drool is my comfort "food"!

I'm sure I will obsess over my injury and look up ridiculous amounts of stuff on the internet because, like GI Joe says, "Knowing is half the battle!" I'll probably post those on here.

Man, I really am gonna be bummed if I end up in a cast. And if I do, it better be off by the time my sister visits in October!!

Today's physical therapy once again included ultrasound, torture massage, foot exercises, and instead of taping my arch up (made my foot sore; my arches are pretty good anyway so was just trying it out to see if it helped), my PT Dennis taped me up with "Kinesio Tape". I don't know what it's supposed to do, but it really is water resistant and is perfect even after the shower! This was all before I got the MRI results, so we will see if therapy changes with this new information.

To Heal an Achilles...

My fire season was pretty much over before it started, and I've tried really hard to just roll with the punches but I'm just flat out frustrated, sad, angry and desperate with this darned injury!

I'm not exactly sure why my achilles got injured - I had been running consistently before the fire academy all winter, usually around 3-5 miles, around 4 times a week. Sometimes I'd thrown in a slightly longer run; most of it was on hilly pavement to help get ready for running on pavement at the Academy this past April. I rehabbed my other achilles (left one) last fall, 2-3 months of physical therapy to finally fix an old injury from high school 10 years ago. I didn't know enough to stop running on it at the time; as a result, I had an definite nodule of scar tissue on my left achilles. Some years it would bother me more than others. I ran a lot in 2004 doing fire in Montana; I ran a couple races in Estes in 2007 and 2008...it was manageable but occasionally flared up. I had a definite "injury boundary" - too much, too fast or too far and my achilles would let me know. I pushed that boundary in the summer of 2009 training for a half marathon that I wanted to run in Portland with my friend Kim. Fortunately I had Colorado State University health insurance, and time between classes, so I took care of it once and for all. So far, it's been pain free.

I got that taken care of and what happens? Sharp sudden pain while sprinting in my RIGHT achilles. This was April, at the academy. Long story short, we tried self-treatment - rest, ice, motrin, less running - but I couldn't stop running 100% because it was part of fitness testing. After the academy, I took off 3 weeks from running and hiking. Then we starting our daily physical training at work. The crew runs faster than me, and the route is steeper than what I normally ran. In sum, I ran too much, too fast and too far, on an already compromised achilles. I iced it; my boss let me take off a couple weeks from running; it just wouldn't get better. Some days were better than others so as long as I could still run and hike - even though it was painful - I continued to do so, because it's my job. I HAVE to do those things. I'm a wildland firefighter!

It got worse. I was compensating for my injury by walking and running funny. I ended up pulling my left calf and knew that was it; time to get real treatment, because at this rate I'd be lucky to be on 2 feet by the end of the season!

At this point, I've been on light duty 6 weeks. Due to slow paperwork with worker's comp, I am JUST NOW starting physical therapy. Two of those weeks, I wore a walking boot to immobilize my calf and achilles, as I did for my left one. I tried many of the same things I learned for my left achilles, on my right one. It STILL hurts, despite no running, no hiking and minimal walking. Every morning is the worst, can barely put any weight on my right achilles. It does feel better as it warms up during the day, but going up stairs, on tip toes, or if I even just push off too hard makes it hurt. I've been setting at a desk for those six weeks, pretty much miserable. Not only the ADHD makes me fidgety and uncomfortable, but being indoors is giving me cabin fever, so to speak. I can't even enjoy my favorite hobbies on my days off! It is rough keeping my chin up about the whole ordeal right now.

MRI was Tuesday; waiting for the doc to look at it, but the techs said they still saw inflammation. Physical therapist today dropped a bomb on me - it will probably be at least 2 months before I am even starting to run again. It is THAT bad. I figured it was stubborn but didn't think I'd be out for a total of over 3 months. If I would have just sucked it up and went to the doctor early, I'd probably have a shorter recovery time. But I could still run, and still hike!! And I was brand new to the job, I wanted to make a good impression. My feet are my livelihood. Bad bad BAD if you can't run or hike!!

Anyway, contributing factors to my injury may include: just sprinting in itself, since I never sprint and the increased intensity is just a lot of stress on an achilles anyway; he does think the fact I have taken Cipro many times over my life (including recently before the injury; Cipro has been linked to achilles injuries and ruptures) may have made my tendons more brittle; biomechanics of the way I walk and run; and I have short tendons. Throw the uphill running on gravel roads and hiking with heavy weight onto the injury and it was just too much.

Ultrasound and painful "massage" with these nasty metal tools, and taping up my arch were on today's menu. I will be going back 2x a week.

What on earth am I going to do at work? I've been able to keep busy so far, but 2 months is a very very long time. At least it is a slow season so I have no missed out on a single fire or OT opportunity yet; but I really really need the extra money. Unless fire season runs late this year, I might be SOL!

First camping trip of the year!

A couple weekends ago I was feeling particularly cooped up, since I've been on light duty for a month and stuck in the office at work. No running, no hiking... no fun. :(  My achilles injury - which I originally hurt at the Academy in April, but got worse and worse with all the physical training we do at work - is putting a huge damper on not only on work, but also my fun! I decided to hit the road in my new truck (yep, new truck...will hopefully post at some point about "life" updates, but this is a travelogue) and just drive where ever my whim took me. I must admit, not having a camper shell is inconvenient - I kept all of my car camping gear in the back of my old truck and topper and didn't have to worry about it being stolen, or exposed to the elements. I keep my trusty "Action Packer" full of things like matches, firestarters, hatchet, blanket, water, 2 burner stove and fuel, hand warmers, cooking kit, and other random things. You know, just in case of a last minute spontaneous camping trip. ;)  I also grabbed my tent, sleeping bag, etc... and the dog of course. I was feeling proud at all the random, "never know when you'll need it" crap I carefully selected for permanent storage in my truck.

I decided to drive East over Hwy 4. I really didn't know where I wanted to go. It really didn't matter! I was happy to be on the road, on my own, nobody to answer to and no reason to plan. Felt so good to just do whatever I want! This was the first time I'd gone camping alone since I started dating Tim, almost exactly 4 years ago, and this solo camping trip was my proclamation of liberation!!


Which means there had to be a few... hiccups. I'm out of practice doing things totally alone! And, dating a trail worker had the perk of him owning lots of awesome gear, so I could just use his stuff and didn't own my own! But I'm jumping ahead...

 From Hwy 4 I headed southeast to Bridgeport and stopped at a sporting goods store to buy a California Atlas/Gazetteer. This was the 5th attempt at buying my beloved Gazetteer, as apparently Californians don't know what a Gazetteer is! I stopped for food and sat on the patio with Logan, examining my options. I saw sweet looking, jagged mountains to my West; I saw lots of lakes on the atlas; I knew one of those drainages would be my home for the night. But, since I can't hike, it had to be accessible by truck. I also didn't want to see ANY people! It couldn't be in wilderness though, because the ranger station was closed and said you must get wilderness permit in person.  I opted to NOT go to Twin Lakes/Mono Village, because it looked so easily accessible it just HAD to be busy. I chose Virginia Lakes, a little bit south of Twin Lakes. It's the blue dot on the map:

View My Saved Places in a larger map

This spot was in the Toiyabe National Forest, Bridgeport District. I first drove to Virginia Lakes, hoping to find some jeep trail I could camp off of for free. As beautiful as that area is, the only areas accessible by vehicle are either private property or pay campgrounds. I couldn't even really see the lakes themselves, because it would take a hike (albeit a short one) to get there. So, I turned around and went down some "020" road. This is also known as Dunderberg Meadow Rd. The road skirted along the foothills of some tall mountains and went through thick pockets of aspen. There were plenty of places to pull aside and tuck back into a grove of trees. I kept driving until I reached a faint road that headed up the grass and shrubland toward the mountains a little bit; it followed an agricultural ditch that supported a nice barrier of lodgepole and alder trees. The road ended a few hundred feet up and that's where I decided to camp...and where I discovered I neglected one of the most important parts of a camping trip - the tent!

Oh, I had a tent with me. I thought I was so cool. I pull it out, and realize it doesn't look like how I remembered it. The thing is, I've never used this tent. Tim had really nice tents, so we always took his. I acquired this tent a few years ago, but apparently it's not the tent that I THOUGHT I owned. But once I brought it home, since I THOUGHT it was the nice tent, I never bothered to check. Somewhere, something went awry and here I was, not with a full sized tent for Logan and I...but a single person tent, just slightly larger than a bivy sack. It would be great for lightweight backpacking, but since I was car camping and had Logan, I was expecting something...bigger, and more luxurious! SURPRISE!!

Ok, no problem. I see the thing only has 2 poles. I start to worry that I'm missing poles. I look at this weird little tangle of fabric, 2 poles, and a lot of string. I start to think, maybe it's SUPPOSED to be this way...I slip the 2 poles through the head and foot, like a collapsed caterpillar. I realize it's not a freestanding tent, like a typical dome-style... it relies on string and stakes, opposing forces on all the corners to keep the structure upright. (This link is for the nearly identical Eureka tent and clearly shows my dilemma). No problem right?

THERE AREN'T ANY STAKES.

That's when I finally felt really stupid. I packed everything under the sun in case of snowstorm, flood, zombies or apocalypse... but no freaking tent stakes.

Setting up the smallest, simplest "tent" took a ridiculous amount of time as I pulled off hooked branches to use as stakes, or wrapped the string around rocks. But, it worked! I had shelter!

But Logan... what to do with Logan?

Really, he could fit at the head of the tent, but he'd almost be my pillow. Logan doesn't snuggle. And, it was a tight fit. He freaked and wouldn't go back in. I tried to let him sleep outside on the ground, but after taking off after 2 very large jackrabbits, I was scared he'd run off in the middle of the night and get lost in the wilderness - he's not the smartest shepherd I've ever met - so I made him sleep in the truck bed. In the middle of the night, he whined so I let him out. He came over and "apologized" and whined and nuzzled me and stayed put next to the tent for the rest of the night. :)

From Toiyabe Nat Forest, July 2010

Before bed, I read my Sierra Nevada naturalist guide and studied maps of cool looking areas. Although it wasn't a full moon, not long after sunset it was so bright, it seemed the sun came back up! And one perk to the tent is that the entire body is mesh, so I could see the sky clearly...without having to worry about mosquitoes, scorpions or other buggers crawling on me at night. Although it had been quite warm everywhere else, it got nice and cold at night, probably around 44 degrees. Perfect!

There was no campfires, there was no cooking. I didn't have a campfire permit (think they were banned anyway) so I just brought leftovers. In the morning Logan and I walked around identifying wildflowers and watching mule deer; packed up and drove up a rugged 4x4 road towards the site of the Dunderberg Mill.

It was the inaugural voyage of my new Tacoma, and there were certain spots where the rocks or ruts tested my judgement of my ground clearance. One shallow water crossing added to the fun! In the end, the shrubs and trees left a few scratches as souvenirs, which is fine by me! A coworker gave me crap for scratching my brand new truck... but why buy a 4x4 truck if I'm not gonna USE it like a truck?!

It would have been a nicer spot to camp than the spot I had selected, with denser clumps of trees and a small waterfall near the site of the old Mill. All that remained of Dunderberg was some gnarley iron and metal, some rocks, and a layer of red dust in a bare patch among the sagebrush and rabbit brush. Apparently there are some cabins that are still standing but I didn't see them. This would be a beautiful area in the fall, with so many aspen coating the foothills!

I continued on my drive back down to Dunderberg Meadow Road and eventually to Green Creek Road, the next drainage to the north. Here too, the road ends before the lakes, required a short hike that, if it weren't for my stupid achilles, I would have taken Logan and the fishing rod and spent some time there. Instead, we stopped at Dynamo Pond, where I was shocked to see signs of beaver! As dumb as it may sound, I didn't realize there were beaver in California. I also learned they reintroduced antelope in the area as well (they were extirpated). Dynamo pond was the first hydroelectric project in the eastern Sierras, and the first time the electricity was transmitted and used away from the source. It's hard to tell that there was ever a dam on this small pond now.

I drove back to Bridgeport and just had to take the extra 12 mile drive to Twin Lakes - the jagged-edged "Sawtooth Ridge" looked quite dramatic from town. As I had expected, though, the lakes were surrounded by developed RV campgrounds, condos, and marinas. Not gaudy or overdone and looked like a blast to take a family with kids, rent a boat or some jet skis... but not my cup of tea. It looked like there would be some sweet hikes up into the mountains. If only my stupid achilles would heal...!!

From Toiyabe Nat Forest, July 2010

It was more driving and less hiking than Logan would have liked and I felt bad for him. We left Twin Lakes and took Hwy 108 back - which is the road that runs through the southern half of Stanislaus National Forest. I'm sorry to say, but I think I'm on the less-dramatic district of the forest - wow! There are plenty of wide open views, waterfalls, stunning mountain peaks... on my side, it's thickly forested and good views are not easy to find. This part of the Stanislaus is directly adjacent to Yosemite National Park. We didn't stop and hike, just took pictures and drove the loop down to Sonora and back up to Hwy 4.

And that was my first camping trip of the summer - saw a lot of land, drove a lot of miles, and learned that I need a bigger tent. ;)

"My First Summer in the Sierra"

I pulled that book out of storage and intend on rereading it at some point. It's a book by my hero, John Muir; I read it in college for an American Wilderness and Literature class. At the time I remember sometimes getting lost in Muir's flowery, overly descriptive and long-winded abstractions of natural features. That was about 10 years ago, and I too have become more long-winded and overly descriptive as I have grown older! ;) I also remember how much I liked John Muir for hating SHEEP. He thinks sheep are the stupidest creatures ever, as he discovered while herding a flock across the mountains or something. Anyway, I need to reread it now that I live here and may be able to appreciate it a little more.

Yes you will notice I added a little Amazon.com thingy. If you buy something off my page I think I get like 2 cents or something. I'm broke, this will help pay the bills. HA HA HA! I crack myself up.

Today, my "first summer in the Sierra" included a trip to the popular swimming hole called Candy Rock, on the North Fork of the Stanislaus River. I knew of this place all summer, but it is very popular. I like to relax and avoid loud crowds when it's just me and Logan so I've gone out of my way to find other places to swim. After reading an intriguing description of Candy Rock to a visitor at the ranger station last week, though, I gave in and had to see for myself.

It was awesome.

A drive on a dirt road into the canyon, thick with brush and baked-hot by the sun. The road ends at a parking area, where eroded steps lead down to the river. There was one truck there but the owner was nowhere to be found. The entire stretch of river is strewn with huge boulders, forming relatively deep, clear pools and connected by slickrock waterslides and cascades. Neat, perfect circles from water and erosion form pockets both above and below water; the rock was so slick that Logan fell into one above the river. It was deep enough I had to pull him out of the mucky-water trap, which left him a little nervous while on the river banks. He stirred up a tiny little frog, with black stripes along its eyes. I'll have to look it up later.

For a while, we had the entire place to ourselves, which I'm sure was a sight to see - me pulling and pushing Logan up and down the slick rock, laughing at him, and then falling in myself. I think it was a wise idea to leave my shorts on over my bikini, because there was a lot of sliding around on my butt. Logan seemed to enjoy the waterslide as much as I did, which swept you from one pool to another. It was so much fun, and so refreshing! Another group of people eventually showed up and were cracking up as they saw Logan and I swimming/being swept by the current, and laughing even harder when Logan started crying because he couldn't get OUT of the water on the slickrock! Those folks traveled downriver so we still had the solitude I wanted. After swimming, I laid out on the smooth rock and read a Backpacker magazine until I was dry. On the hike out, we passed 2 groups of high school boys; on the drive out, I passed 5 cars full of people! We left at the right time, around 2:00. The key might be to arrive early - before noon - and avoid people on a Thursday??

So now I'm at the local coffee shop in Arnold, it's been a while since I've engaged in my "hobby" of sitting at a coffee shop with the dog, writing in my blog. Nothing beats Kind Coffee in Estes Park of course, but it's a nice day to sit outside. I even made a new friend! A blue and white pit mix puppy took up shop under my seat.

Other swimming holes I have found include one down the road from my house, which lacks the large unique boulders of Candy Rock but is nice and deep and I've never run into anybody there. Then of course there is Lake Alpine and Spicer, both of which are quite busy but Alpine was nice and warm. If I ever pick up my kayak from Tim's place, there are so many lakes to paddle! I need to figure out a way to float Logan with me though, kayak isn't built for a 110 lb dog.

Logan on the waterslide